i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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