ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
