You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
