I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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