I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't notice because vodka
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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