Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
