how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
