I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
