you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize