there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
