And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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