youre lurking in front of me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
