I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Randomize
