I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
