my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
