I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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