yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
