Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
