She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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