Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
