Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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