Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Rumble strips road head = magical
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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