Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
