Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
