this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
