I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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