I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
