people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
