I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
