Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
