The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
