shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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