Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
