i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
