Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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