No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
