i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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