I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
