Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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