well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
