After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
