She said her name was "party"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
