I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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