Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
