So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
