The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
