And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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