No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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