I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
