I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
