I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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