You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
