I haven't been this sober since birth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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