idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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