Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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