I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
