whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
