so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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