if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
