...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
