The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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