Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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