you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
