dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
