it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
