rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
