she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
