I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
