My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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