next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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