You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize